Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
