There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
