I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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