all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
