After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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