my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Sober January is a disaster.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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