Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
