I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
