But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
