I hate your face
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
