Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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