apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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