i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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