everyone is single if you try hard enough
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
