Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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