hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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