he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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