And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
