absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
