everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
