If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
