you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
