I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
