I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
