you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
