You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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