How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
