normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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