Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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