don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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