hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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