I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
this will be a night to untag.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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