Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
