Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
