i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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