it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
