i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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