Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
