I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
well you can't waste a boner
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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