That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
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BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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