i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
