Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
