youre lurking in front of me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
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