i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
