yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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