I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
