yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The uberlube is also flammable
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
