Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
