Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
