shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
