I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
