my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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