Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
