i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
