We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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