I cockslap morals
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize