Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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