and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
