So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
