i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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