I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
