I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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