he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
