this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
