So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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