Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
