just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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