I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
