my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
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took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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