it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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