I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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