Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
false alarm, still single
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