Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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