Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
