yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
