no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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