The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
