she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
