If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
