hell yes lets make some ravioli
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
