dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
